Lee-Ann's Spare Fridays episode 11

All Lee-Ann had to do was take a few photos

Series 2 episode 5 (episode 11 if we’re counting from the very beginning) of my audio sitcom Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays is now available. If you haven’t listened yet, you can do so at Apple podcasts, Spotify, or in your browser without having to sign in to anything at https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jysaville. And if you have listened, thank you — much appreciated and I hope you enjoyed it.

If you’ve never run across Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays before and you’re wondering what I’m on about, let me briefly explain. Fortyish Lee-Ann has been moved on to a four-day week at work and wants to spend her Fridays with her portly black and white cat Lord Salisbury, or researching the history of the Yorkshire Dales village she moved to a few years ago to be near her baby niece. Unfortunately her interfering older sister Gina doesn’t think those are worthy pursuits and tries to divert her. Lee-Ann's Scottish neighbour Douglas isn't on anyone's side but his own. It's structured like a sitcom, but I write and perform it as a monologue from Lee-Ann's point of view.

Bicycles

Series 1 episode 2 has a lot of cycling in it so when I decided to use Gina’s attempt at a cycling challenge for this latest episode, I knew I’d have to avoid making it too similar. You’ll be pleased to know Lee-Ann didn’t get on a bike at all, this time.

I said she knew fine well I didn't own a bicycle and there was no way I was riding my neighbour Douglas's 'spare': so called because it was only fit to use for spare parts. Had she forgotten what happened last time? She shuddered at that point, so I'm guessing she hadn't

Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays episode 11 (series 2 episode 5)

Chocolate hobnobs and annoying colleagues

It’s hard to know which details people might be interested in, or want some explanation for. I have listeners all over the place, including the USA, Canada, Germany and Spain, for whom presumably the chocolate hobnob is baffling. They’re crumbly, dusty, oaty biscuits painted on one side with milk chocolate, and far too easy to choke on if you breathe in at the wrong moment. They are top tier though and it is perfectly reasonable to imagine that a colleague might exact revenge if someone stole one. For finishing Mike’s packet, Lee-Ann frankly gets off very lightly here.

For those who’ve been paying attention, Mike was mentioned as a colleague of Lee-Ann’s in series 1, episode 4 when she needs a friend to get her out of a jam, can’t think of any, and texts Mike instead. Fiona, who turns up in this episode as an ex-colleague, has not been mentioned before. Since I have one current and one former colleague¹ subscribing to this newsletter it’s probably worth reiterating that Lee-Ann, while sharing some characteristics, is not me, and Fiona is not based on anyone I know. Phew, I think I got away with that.

Possibly he was trying to get me back for eating his last chocolate hobnob the day before

Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays episode 11 (series 2 episode 5)

Sibling pressure

Although, as I’m always keen to point out, Gina is not like either of my sisters, they do provide inspiration here and there². They are certainly my main source of information on sisterly behaviour. Sister Number Two, who does not drive, has a habit of reading only the first part of a road sign. Sometimes just the first letter. Sister Number One, the family chauffeur, continues to ask her to look out for the turnoff or tell her which exit to take on a busy roundabout, despite many, many mishaps including a trip to Blackpool that ended in Blackburn. We all of us give each other the benefit of the doubt far more than we should, but to me that remains the pinnacle of Trust Me, I’m Your Sister.

You'd think I'd learn, but there must be some kind of genetic filter that means whenever your sister suggests something that should set alarm bells ringing, you instantly forget all the hundreds of similar circumstances that have ended badly

Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays episode 11 (series 2 episode 5)

The Yorkshire Dales

A dale just means a valley around these parts, so in West Yorkshire you get Airedale (valley of the river Aire), Calderdale (…river Calder) etc. In North Yorkshire, extending into the bits of Cumbria and Lancashire that used to be Yorkshire before they rejigged the boundaries in 1974, there is a National Park called The Yorkshire Dales. The Dales is considered highly picturesque and is mainly populated by sheep. West Yorkshire has a more recent industrial past and fewer sheep, and is considered less picturesque by those who haven’t got to know it well enough. Just to be awkward I live in the West Yorkshire bit of Wharfedale that isn’t classed as the Dales but if you followed the river a few miles you would be in the same dale, but now also in The Yorkshire Dales. Clear? Good.

Because my great-grandad and innumerable generations preceding him were from Swaledale³ I have read a stack of books on Dales history. I love the fact that cows were milked in situ on their summer pastures, and the milk carried down to the farm in backcans: metal rucksacks essentially, shaped to curve round your back with leather straps to put your arms through. I’m sure I wouldn’t have loved it if I’d had to carry a full one down steep paths at dawn.

Incidentally, there is genuinely a magazine called Dales Life. Which is why Gina has a copy of the fictional Dales Living.

I don't recall there being a magazine about how to live in Bingley, we just got on with it.

Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays episode 11 (series 2 episode 5)

Behind the scenes

For the first time since the Christmas sleighbells, I needed a new sound effect: Lee-Ann gets a text message. I wanted to replicate the sound my rubberised orange brick of a phone (one of my mother’s cast-offs) would make when it sat on my desk 15 years ago. Lee-Ann’s phone is of similar vintage and was supposed to be on her bedside table.

I tried listening to a few free sound effects online but none of them sounded quite right. In the end, what I’ve got is my other half’s iPhone in a silicon case, resting on the microphone as it does its subtle, barely audible, haptic feedback. For a brief noise which most people will pay next to no attention to.

The sensible thing would have been to ignore it, in fact delete it, and go back to sleep, but I once spent three hours down a YouTube rabbit hole of historical cookery videos because I'd idly wondered why pancakes were different in the UK and North America, so of course I opened it.

Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays episode 11 (series 2 episode 5)

Listen now

The blurb for this episode says ‘Has Gina even done her charity bike ride if she doesn't have a photographer at the finish? Lee-Ann's happy to oblige if it gets her out of an unwanted lunch date. After all, it should be quick and easy, shouldn't it?’. This one doesn’t have Douglas in at all, which I know will be disappointing to some of you.

I’ll leave you with one last quote, and then if you haven’t already you can listen to the episode

She once told me off for 'letting Jasmine get cocoa in her hair', as though I'd given her express permission to dunk her pigtails in the mug rather than simply not noticed.

Lee-Ann’s Spare Fridays episode 11 (series 2 episode 5)

1. Both of whom I’d happily have a pub lunch with

2. Much more so for my short story Twelve Weeks’ Rest

3. Definitely The Dales. The national park logo is a Swaledale sheep